I won the Jessup Moot Court Competition 3 times..I won the best actor award at college 3 times..I had a gang of seven 'cool' friends with whom I used to spent my Sundays alias the Sabbath days...And when examinations came, me and my hardwork recieved it with a smile and won the race..To top everything off, when vacations came, I celebrated it with my mom, my step-dad and my step-siblings.....
Alls perfect in the above paragraph and that is why that paragraph stays as a paragraph in my blog.. It has hardly any reference with my life although I would desperately wish it to come true..Sometimes, I sit in a chair and fantasize about the above-mentioned world and thats when reality jumps in as my mom, saying, "daughter! I was mistreated by a autorickshaw driver yesterday.. I want to file a case".. A lump in my heart starts to form.. I asks my mom, "what do you mean by mistreat??".. Then, suddenly, sewing up the entire conversation, she snaps , "I can't tell you about that...".. Thats it .. The worst of my fears.. Whatever the 'mistreat' is, it is sexual, for sure..The lump is back at its place.. Heart thudding more loudly..What could the mistreat be? Where did it happen? My tongue itches to ask her a 1000 questions but I know she won't open up and these are the moments in my life when I desperately pray to god for a husband for my mom..And these are the moments when electricity connection of heaven shuts off, jamming all the conversations..
Yesterday night, when me and my mom was lying in the bed, reading books before going to sleep, she said, "You know, I'm beginning to forget my birthday and my age even..".. It stung. Well, thats one of the curses for divorcees (atleast the divorcees of India).. You lose the social life..You might find your friends and family racing to get hold of you to throw you a birthday party but when they comes to know about your Divorced-life, they divorce you from their life..If this is not happening to you, you must have good parents..Well, a good parents is certainly not part of my Mom's life.. Anyway, I tried to ease the atmosphere by replying , "Well, ring up your encyclopaedic elder brother.. He will give you every details about it.. ".. It worked.. She laughed out loud and patted on my back and said, "dear! you are very funny sometimes.."
Moments, such as these, runs into thousands, if I start counting it. Moments, such as these, make you a strong devotee of God in the beginning.. You hope for his intervention, you pray and cry for him but when these moments keeps on coming back again and again, your hope fades. Indifference sets in. Gradually, your Tear-bank dries forever. And you become indifferent to god, indifferent to humans, indifferent to life, even. Happiness or sadness, doesn't matter.. All that matters is finishing of the responsibilities..And when you are in this ruined stage, God will give everything that he promised once, like how Abraham was given Israel.
Lucky are the ones, who remain faithful to God to that end.
Lucky are the ones, who don't question God on how these gifts could erase their past.
And Lucky are the ones, who says a 'Thank You' to God for these gifts, however late it be.
