I'm feeling so mellow and depressed..Actually, I have been feeling so for a couple of months.. I don't know from where to begin.. Maybe I'll start with my mom...
My mom is beautiful, smart, ambitious and hardworking.. And Me??.. That was a wrong question to ask because I'm totally unambitious, hardly hardworking, totally void of any optimism, and right now I'm sitting in a chair and sulking.... Honestly, I feel like I'm the master of only one thing in the world and that is Sulking...
I am feeling more depressed nowadays because I am an undergraduate with good grades but with absolutely no hardwork nor possesses any Know-How to become a hardworking person... I want to be like mom; a total workaholic like her and God knows that , the day I achieve that dream will be the most happiest day in my life... But a secret that both God and me Knows is that - that day is an unexplored planet , millions of light years away...
My mom was a Super-Duper Person of the town..She was called the most beautiful person in the town, the most talented, the Most in basically everything... So, when I was born , people was very anxious to see how I would be....
Well, I disappointed them.. I didn't look like her... Disappointing!!! I was not bad looking.. I was pretty but I didn't resemble her.. That was Disappointing for many.. From there, my complexes started... As I grew up, I was always compared with her.. For example: I didn't like Mathematics but she was a hero in it.. I excelled in Languages but that wasn't acceptable for many.. She was extremely hardworking but I was not.. Again Disappointments!!!!!
Disappointments and Disappointments..........
But it affected my personality... I have a huge complex that I'm not good as mom.. {In a way its correct too.. I'm dreamy and unfocused..}.. Because of that complex, I get angry with mom very easily.. If somebody else scolds me, I try to change... But when mom scolds me, my ego gets hurt and I get angry... I do not like to take a picture of both of us together.. I don't like when people appreciates her... Recently, I had some downfalls and it became a reason for my ego to aggravate . Now, I'm finding it impossible to live with her .. Things are fine on the days we go to work but it is worst when we both spend our time together at home for a day...
I am not jealous of any other women other than my mom ... I know this is not good.. I want to change.. I am happy on the days we go for work and we have a good time together after reaching home ..
I know I am the trouble-maker.. I know I'm hurting her....I want to change... I don't think I would reach any where in life if I'm going to be a Mom-Hater, Dreamy, Lazy and Unfocused... I want to change.. I want to be like mom for atleast once in my life.. I want to know how it feels after Hammering on the Anvil For a Long Time ; Nonstop... I want to be hardworking, optimistic, determined.. Why isn't anything changing????????
Well, David wrote in Psalms that crying all the night, his pillows were soaked up in his tears {not exact words} .. Now , after writing this blog, I found the paper on the table in front of me, soaked up in my tears..... I hope it dries after sometime....
My mom is beautiful, smart, ambitious and hardworking.. And Me??.. That was a wrong question to ask because I'm totally unambitious, hardly hardworking, totally void of any optimism, and right now I'm sitting in a chair and sulking.... Honestly, I feel like I'm the master of only one thing in the world and that is Sulking...
I am feeling more depressed nowadays because I am an undergraduate with good grades but with absolutely no hardwork nor possesses any Know-How to become a hardworking person... I want to be like mom; a total workaholic like her and God knows that , the day I achieve that dream will be the most happiest day in my life... But a secret that both God and me Knows is that - that day is an unexplored planet , millions of light years away...
My mom was a Super-Duper Person of the town..She was called the most beautiful person in the town, the most talented, the Most in basically everything... So, when I was born , people was very anxious to see how I would be....
Well, I disappointed them.. I didn't look like her... Disappointing!!! I was not bad looking.. I was pretty but I didn't resemble her.. That was Disappointing for many.. From there, my complexes started... As I grew up, I was always compared with her.. For example: I didn't like Mathematics but she was a hero in it.. I excelled in Languages but that wasn't acceptable for many.. She was extremely hardworking but I was not.. Again Disappointments!!!!!
Disappointments and Disappointments..........
But it affected my personality... I have a huge complex that I'm not good as mom.. {In a way its correct too.. I'm dreamy and unfocused..}.. Because of that complex, I get angry with mom very easily.. If somebody else scolds me, I try to change... But when mom scolds me, my ego gets hurt and I get angry... I do not like to take a picture of both of us together.. I don't like when people appreciates her... Recently, I had some downfalls and it became a reason for my ego to aggravate . Now, I'm finding it impossible to live with her .. Things are fine on the days we go to work but it is worst when we both spend our time together at home for a day...
I am not jealous of any other women other than my mom ... I know this is not good.. I want to change.. I am happy on the days we go for work and we have a good time together after reaching home ..
I know I am the trouble-maker.. I know I'm hurting her....I want to change... I don't think I would reach any where in life if I'm going to be a Mom-Hater, Dreamy, Lazy and Unfocused... I want to change.. I want to be like mom for atleast once in my life.. I want to know how it feels after Hammering on the Anvil For a Long Time ; Nonstop... I want to be hardworking, optimistic, determined.. Why isn't anything changing????????
Well, David wrote in Psalms that crying all the night, his pillows were soaked up in his tears {not exact words} .. Now , after writing this blog, I found the paper on the table in front of me, soaked up in my tears..... I hope it dries after sometime....
